Never Have I Ever: Ellen Puts the -SEXUAL back in Heterosexual

The Media

Ellen DeGeneres, Madonna and Justin Bieber played Never Have I Ever on The Ellen Show. If you’re a recluse shut-in, then Never Have I Ever is a game to play in a group where you’re supposed to tell the truth whether you’ve done something or if you haven’t. If it’s a drinking game, you take a drink if you have done it.

A summary of their answers is below:

  1. Never Have I Ever Had Phone Sex. Madonna and Ellen claimed they have.
  2. Never Have I Ever Used Someone Else’s Toothbrush Without Telling Them. Madonna claimed she has.
  3. Never Have I Ever Fooled Around In A Bathroom During A Party. They all claimed they have.
  4. Never Have I Ever Gotten Kicked Out Of A Bar. Nobody claimed they have; however, Madonna and Ellen disagreed Justin has.
  5. Never Have I Ever Dated Someone And Their Sibling. They All claimed they have.
  6. Never Have I Ever Fooled Around With Someone Else In The Room. Justin and Madonna claimed they have.
  7. Never Have I Ever Forgotten The Name Of The Person I Was Fooling Around With. Justin and Madonna claimed they have.
  8. Never Have I Ever Had Sex With More Than Two Different People In One Day. Madonna claimed she had.

 My Thoughts

Always Up For A Game, Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991)

First off, I love Never Have I Ever to get to know people quickly; however, I’ve had tough experiences playing the game. In High School and College, I generally played this with my other Midwestern natives and, honestly, it’s been a bit tame. As you can see in the clip, Madonna has a hard time thinking of things she’s ‘never done,’ which is the aim of the person saying the situation usually.

It goes back to the thought that you don’t know what you haven’t done because you haven’t done it. Like a Parisian can’t say they’ve never had Panera if they don’t know what Panera is, or a virgin male can’t say they’ve never performed sounding on themselves if they don’t know what it is. It’s really a game between friends to just get each other drunk by exposing somewhat embarrassing things about each other (somewhat embarrassing, not a bitch outing).

Ellen, Madonna and Justin playing the game is actually quite fun– really, it would be fun to see any people play. However, I just wanted to somewhat analyse their responses and what I found interesting.

Naked Bieber, Before Singing To His Grandma.
Naked Bieber, Before Singing To His Grandma.

I think that the first question really dates Madonna and Ellen. As the question is refers to phone sex, it’s really out of Justin’s timeline. Obviously, Justin and Selena were more into sexting than actual talking on the phone, according to the Hollywood Life and his supposedly nude phone (NSFW, obvi). I remember having phone sex with my exes, but it’s (very understandably) died out with the decline of actually talking on the phone, or at least only talking on the phone, with FaceTime and Skype being the game changer.

The other thing I easily noticed was how often Ellen kept her “I Have Not” sign up! Obviously, I’m not a pillar of virtue (since I’ve done things I only admit during this game with the help of whiskey) nor am I trying to start up the debate of Straight vs. Gay, but it’s refreshing to see that the more-identifiable straight people were more sexual than the homosexual. Given, Madonna could be classified as bisexual and Justin looks more like Ellen than Ellen, but it’s nice to see in public television a side-by-side comparison where the homosexual isn’t portrayed as the bad guy.

Ellen DeGeneres with wife since 2008, Portia de Rossi
Ellen DeGeneres with wife since 2008, Portia de Rossi

I say ‘bad guy’ because in films like Elephant, extortionist (Jarec Wentworth) and serial killers (Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy), homosexuals (admitted or otherwise) get a bad reputation. But in another way, homosexuals overall are seen as more sex-craving, more ‘sinfully obsessive’ with sex. It reminds me of the episode of Will and Gracewhere the fathers in Elliot’s basketball team made Will their gay mascot.

From 8:22 to 8:48, the conversation is as follows:

Alan: You know, I was thinkin’, you know, I always imagined that since you’re all guys and everything, and there’s no one there to say no, that a, you must be like, doing it constantly, right?
Will: Ah, well, well actually, I probably have sex no more than you guys.
Ken: Oh, I thought there’d be more…
Other Father: Why be gay?

It’s actually a common misconception, and it’s true that boys are boys, but we don’t actually have sex more often since it’s two guys. With the appearance of flaming mostly-naked gay guys at Pride, as well as the abundance of gay porn, porn ‘stars,’ and nude/nearly nude male models, some people get the perception of us loving to have sex 24/7 but there’s a just as many straight people who love sex as much as there are homosexual people.

My Life, In A Diagram
Single Gay Men Problems

I’m glad that Ellen hasn’t ever “fooled around with someone in the room” or “forgotten the name of the person they’re fooling with” and that Justin and Madonna has being aired on television. It just shows humans can either be sexual or nonsexual, faithful and unfaithful, monogamous or polygamous.

Homosexuals and heterosexuals are both -SEXUAL. Get use to it.


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