Dear (Prude)nce: Awaken Your Sexual Beast

Introductory Media Article

Buzzfeed had posted an article on 10 April 2015 titled “What Do People Actually Do When They Have Sex? The writers (Sarah Karlan and Shannon Keating) asked 50 people about the last time they had sex. I’ll highlight a few of them here.

5. My boyfriend and I were pretty buzzed and happy. We threw off our clothes in a drunken manner and right before we started going at it, my boyfriend put on this olive-green bucket hat he’d bought earlier that day. I couldn’t stop giggling — he just looked so adorable, sweet and ridiculous. After a quick warm-up BJ, I got on top of him (our favourite position) and we giggled and made jokes throughout the entire time until we both ‘gasmed and fell asleep shortly afterwards. -23/F/Straight

12. Foreplay with my boyfriend primarily consists of me earnestly trying to be sexy and him cracking jokes in weird voices until I lose and laugh. Last night, this included him incorporating the word ‘meow’ into every sexy sentence he could think of: “Meow love you, too”; “What do you meown ‘stop talking like that?'” He also licked my nose. Like a cat. It’s sexier than it sounds. -26/M/Gay

13. We finally went to my not-quite-a-boyfriend-yet’s place — he has an in-room roommate, so we had to sleep in his other roommate’s room. I was at the start of my period, so didn’t want to have sex that night. In the morning, we couldn’t resist and had the most horrifyingly bloody penetrative sex ever, from behind, to try to keep the sheets clean. I’ve never shouted, “Just don’t look! Close your eyes!” during sex before, ever. -26/F/Straight

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23. This morning I woke my boyfriend up by putting his cock in a leather bag lined with tiny poke-y spikes. After a bit of gentle penis massage (under much protest), I removed the bag and then gave his super-sensitive cock a blow job. He says the pain was delicious, and so was the cum I deposited in his mouth. -33/F/Hetero

32. My husband and I had spent the last two nights apart due to busy work schedules. When I was the last to come home late at night, I was bummed to see he had gone to bed. I slowly settled in at home, depressed, thinking that he was asleep. After several minutes of moping around the house, I peeked into the bedroom and saw his sexy bare ass was presented. He had been waiting patiently for me to come in the bedroom and fuck him, which was even more of a surprise because 90% of the time, I bottom for him. -34/M/Gay

44. Last night my husband and I made love even though he has a cold 😦 What a trooper! -31/F/Straight

47. My last sexual encounter was at a party with a few other guys, about 19-24, who’d come for drinks and to fool around. They were twins and jocks, mostly who’d met online. I sucked off a few of them and they all fucked me. -32/M/Gay

48. I went to my friend’s house just to hang out and watch Netflix and funny youTube videos and later in the night we had sex and watched more Netflix and YouTube videos. -23/M/Gay

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49. I recently hooked up with a hot Scottish friend. After a couple of drinks at his place (Scotch, of course), one thing led to another and we ended up naked and making out passionately in bed. He topped me, and while I came twice, he was a ‘multiple finisher’ and ended up orgasming five times in our one extended sex session. One of the hottest fucks I’ve ever had! -35/M/Gay

50. My boyfriend and I are playfully competitive, so sometimes (like when I’m on my period and penetrative sex is too much to deal with) we race to see who can orgasm first. This usually consists of one of us straddling the other and then taking matters into our own hands, if you will. There also a lot of making out and trash-talking, and it almost always ends in a tie. It’s fun! Try it! -25/F/Straight


Other Sexual Articles

Attitude Magazine posted an article on 10 April 2015 that stated four out of five gay men meet their partners via app, such as Grindr or Jack’d. The research aims to bring awareness that apps can be utilised to find long-term relationships, not just the ‘myth’ that apps are only for hookups.

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But maybe a hookup-for-pay is the case. In The Guardian‘s article published 27 March 2015, a research showed that one in every 20 university men in the UK are working in the sex industry (which includes prostitution, escorting, stripping and internet work). Over one in five university students have considered working in the sex industry, either to fund a particular lifestyle, pay basic living costs or merely wanting to reduce conclusive debts.

But even if they didn’t get paid for it, the money might be only a bonus to the real motive (pleasure), as is the case with Zac Efron. In The Gaily Grind‘s article, Zac Efron mock-interviews with James Franco in promotion for Franco and Seth Rogen’s movie The Interview and claims he can masturbate 17+ times a day, including in the car with no hands. If true, Efron would make bank in the UK with all those money shots.

Zac Efron Climaxes With No Hands
Zac Efron Climaxes With No Hands

Let There Be Life

Morgan & The Hookah Jew

Morgan and I frequented the local hookah lounge together and started to know every single server there. We knew who was dating who, and when they usually worked, and who we actually liked as a server, and if they’d make the hookah well. We usually went there during the daytime to do some homework and get $10 hookah-of-the-day and half-off appetizers, but we also liked heading over there at night before/during/instead of going out to the bars.

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Towards the end of our friendship, her and I hung out less frequently due to circumstances not relevant to the story. One time, when we did hangout during the day, she looked shady coming into the hookah lounge. As we sat down, she said she’s glad she didn’t run into Fraser (nicknamed The Big Jew). I was boggled to why, since we usually asked for him whenever he’s working to serve us.

She told me that the other night when she was out at the bars with friends, she came back here to drink and hookah. She was horny and started to text a muscly server Tony that her and I both thought was pretty fine. However, she ‘mis-texted’ and texted the Jew instead, to his delight. As they were leaving (since she closed the place down), she was going to walk home before the Jew asked if he could give her a ride home. She accepted, and got into his car.

On the way, of course, the Jew suggested that she should come over to his house — for him to look after her, as well as carry out the things they were texting to each other earlier. Even though she had a stomach ache, she agreed and they went to his place.

After a night of sub-par sex, she woke up to damp sheets, mattress and blankets. She had ‘unknowingly’ started her period and had bled all over the bed. She put on her clothes quietly and left the sleeping Jew.

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A couple of days later, Morgan was at the hookah lounge with her friends during the day, since he rarely worked days. However, the Jew came in for leisure and came over to talk to her and her friends. He started to talk about a recent sexual encounter he had with a girl. He laughingly said he had sex with a girl at her place, then had a nosebleed all over her bed and room and left her place like a complete asshole. He left, leaving Morgan completely slack-jawed.

Hermes & The Slave

Honestly, I want to start the story with how I met Archie, but I couldn’t tell you. I believe that Archie and I were in a Yahoo! chatroom and we started talking. I was 17 years old and he was 25 and lived an hour away.

At first, it was just chatting sexually to each other. Then, he wanted to turn on his cam (I didn’t have a webcam at the time) and have me order him to do things. It got a little weird for me, since I didn’t really know what to ask him to do so I distanced myself from him. A couple of weeks later, he was wanting me to respond to him so bad that he created an e-mail address named ‘HermesOwnsMe.‘ It worked, and I started talking to him again.

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These webcam shows happened for a long period of time, where I had him tie himself up, perform sounding and other random acts with everyday home items, He was fortunate enough to self-suck (which was a sight to see) until he said he couldn’t anymore because he had cracked a rib (*laughs*). Sometimes, I wouldn’t be able to get online and he would just take pictures of demands he asked me to come up with. An instance that comes to mind was when I asked him to write my name on his penis, which he took to mean getting a razor and ‘carving’ my name into his penis.

When I was 18 and a senior in high school, Archie wanted to kick things up a notch and meet up. He texted me one night and said he wants to drive over and we’ll mess around. I said I can’t at my place, living with my parents, but he said he wanted to see me so I let him come into town. I met him at the parking lot in my SUV and he sauntered in the passenger seat with a bottle of whiskey. We decided to mess around in the back of my car, where I tried to demand him to do stuff but it didn’t quite work out. It was fun, but it was unsuccessful in the back of the car and we left things anti-climactic in many ways.

The next time we decided to give it another shot, I was 19 and a freshman in college. He picked me up from my house and we travelled to a Holiday Inn. We used his ID to book the room and I paid for the room at half-price for a King bedroom because it was late in the night. We went up to the room and we got to business. I tied him up with neckties, pricked his prick with thumb tacts and tickled him relentlessly throughout the night. I was semi-pissed that I decided to return the cattle prod I had bought for this occasion, since the thought of meeting up again seemed unlikely.

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Despite being under the influence of whiskey, he insisted that he was straight and that he didn’t want to kiss or have any penetration. After the aforementioned ‘treatments,’ we decided to take advantage of the room and fill the tub. Archie hopped into the tub and we messed around in there before pulling the plug and taking a shower, both of us cleaning each other off. We went back to the bed as I tied him up with rope before I had to leave to go to clinical early in the morning.

I had left an easy release tag for him to pull if the rope was cutting off blood circulation or if there was an emergency, which he had used by the time I got back. He had said his penis was turning purplish black. After a bit more of wrestling, we left the room in time for check-out.

We haven’t talked to each other since. After a bit of searching, the last time he publicly used the e-mail account was in January 2012 on an Australian Yahoo group stating the following:

Last Usage of E-Mail Address (January 2012)
Last Usage of E-Mail Address (January 2012, Edited)

Afterthoughts

Sex stories are fun. I have many more, maybe perhaps a bit more interesting or relatable, but those are for another post because they mostly deal with the same two people mentioned in How I Met Your Mother: I Deleted My Exes.

The Buzzfeed posting had many messages in it more than just a jack-off erotica piece. Here are a few points I got out of the article.

  1. Sex should be funny. The best sex is one where you can laugh and have fun.
  2. Sex can be a regular, nonchalant thing — something you can do between YouTube and Netflix.
  3. No matter what, you should always try to satisfy your mate. Whether you’re on your period, have a cold or just busy at work — saving time for some hanky-panky could show you care, and possibly even be romantic and cute.
  4. The more, the merrier. It’s not always about quantity, but sometimes it is. Whether it’s the amount of days you do it in a year, of the times you do it in a year, or the orgasms you had in a single sexcapade — if you increase the amount of times (from a guy’s perspective), you’re going to be pleasing your mate.

Out in the world, you can’t deny there might be people like the one Zac Efron portrays — ones with outrageous stamina, sexual urges and cum supply. If you take a look at sites like Chaturbate and Cam4, you wouldn’t be surprised that British university boys are taking to the sex industry to get bills paid. It’s incredibly easy now to find men wanting someone in the bed at the end of the night, whether on the computer or physically, as seen in The Guardian article. I take that statistic of 4/5 men find their partners on apps with a grain of salt, as I presume the study shows only men who consider themselves in a relationship, which accounts for a small fraction of the men on Grindr and Jack’d (having the other ‘single’ men only looking for a pump, dump and go).

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There’s many of us that have shameful, sneak-out sexual encounter like Morgan had with the Hookah Jew. Despite maybe having it bite us in the ass later, we could make through it with our head held high. It’s 2015 — we’re bound to have sex with someone we rather not take to home to the parents, or take out to the clubs with friends, or even anywhere with lighting bright enough to see their faces.

But personally, I’m glad I had my time with Archie. I have had sexual experiences with fewer men than I can count on my fingers, but I can’t be pooh-poohed as an inexperienced person. Given, I haven’t had a threesome, sex with a woman, or been pissed on, but I have (somewhat) tried the S&M circuit and that counts for something!

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I’m not the sort to pressure people to embrace their sexual urges, to shout out how they like it, and to be irresponsibly sexually promiscuous but sex definitely should not be shied away from conversation. Whether your straight, gay or anything in-between, you should be able to talk about sex with your friends and should be comfortable with it. My straight guy friend Rex and I once spent 3 hours at the hookah lounge comparing notes about sex and it brought us closer together, just being able to talk about sex to each other.

Being comfortable with sex and talking about it would free ourselves from our own mental restraints. If we open ourselves to discussing it, we can successfully satisfy our needs as well as the needs of our lovers and not just ‘make do,’ which usually ends with carpal tunnel syndrome. If you’re not quite satisfied with what you’ve done, explore other avenues and see if S&M, role-playing, anal, voyeurism or even Chaturbate modelling is your  scene. Find what gets you off, whether by yourself or with your partner(s). Let the beast out.

Won’t You Open Up Your Eyes To A Sexual Awakening?

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