“So wedding preparations are going well.”
And that’s how my brother told my father he proposed to his girlfriend.
Joey’s first wife was a tallish Asian girl who my father’s cousin introduced to him nearly a decade ago. She had a pretty face, in shape, talentless and as dumb as bricks. Once, she failed an online exam she was taking at the community college she attended because she was looking up answers on another browser on the same computer. As usually these types are, she was decent socially, even if she was a bit annoying and lazy.
After 4 years of living in the house, Joey and her got married so she could change her Student Visa into a Green Card. The marriage lasted 2 years until she ran back to her native country without even a good-bye to my brother.
Now, three years later, Joey has proposed to another F.O.B. Asian girl. He had met her online and only actually started talking to her about a year ago because only a year ago, he was talking to another girl until she was revealed as ape-shit. This new girl still lives in Asia, but she has 2 sisters who have snagged American Asians and live in California so she’s somewhat familiar; however, she doesn’t speak a word of English.
Joey, Rose and mother were supposed to go to Asia in December for 6 weeks, but Joey found out he had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in November. My mother decided for immediate treatment, delaying Joey’s trip to Asia. At this time, Joey decided to tell my family about his online relationship with his girlfriend, and that he hopes it to be serious.
After Rose and mother came back from Asia in February, my mother planned for Joey and my father to go to Asia to meet his girlfriend for the first time. Joey had finished his rounds of chemotherapy and only have radiation to finish up. Before my mother bought the tickets over, my father refused to go for unknown reasons. So my mother, who met the girl and her family in her previous trip, decided to go with my brother to Asia to meet the girl.
After two weeks of her being around my brother constantly, he proposed to her. My mother tells my father that she doesn’t leave Joey’s side, and that they really mesh. She’s a year older than him, about 4’10” and wears more make-up than John Wayne Gacy, which doesn’t help her basic features as I don’t find her appearance appealing.
The wedding is set for July.
What’s concerning with Joey and this new girl’s relationship is that she’s a practicing Buddhist. As you should be able to tell, my family is die-hard Roman Catholic. There’s that clear difference in between religions, which has already came into play.
As my mother and her mother were talking about the wedding, her mother mentioned about performing Buddhist traditions that include bowing to an idol. My mother shot it down, but my mother had also said that she’s not wanting to go back to Asia for the wedding. My father would be in attendance, and would not care for such things and would allow it to happen, as Joey also has no backbone to say no.
But technically, the First Commandment shouldn’t be his only worry. Being married before, and having consummated it in the eyes of God, he would have needed to find grounds for an annulment through the Church. He’s applied for a legal divorce and a Catholic annulment, but only the divorce was successful. Despite this, Joey’s prick was getting restless and needs a hole so my mother (the die-hard Catholic) overlooks it.
In overlooking this matter of remarriage, sleeping with another woman and living with another woman (without an annulment), he’s unable to receive the Sacraments of the Church. Doing the previously stated actions use to mean you were excommunicated from the Church, but it has been altered to a wording which implies ‘living in a continuous state of sin.’
Furthermore, there’s the lingering question of the upbringing of the children. The main reason Joey’s keen on marriage is to have children. But as I’ve stated, Joey has absolutely no backbone and will follow his wife (given, it’s not contradictory from our mother). Similar to most families, if the mother is responsible for the spiritual welfare of his children, then they would be raised as Buddhist and not Roman Catholic, which would not fare well in a private Catholic school nor with the Church.
My Opinion (With Outlinks)
It’s been nearly three years since Perseus and I were last physically together. We’ve known each other nearly three years before that (read the full story of how we met here). Even though we’ve had our devastating downs quite often, our ups and our love for each other outweighs it all.
I’m glad I’m in a relationship. Especially as a gay guy, the single life is pretty disgusting. Being a gay single, you’ll get random text messages at night from exes or strangers and even when you try your hand at Grindr, Jack’d, Tinder or any other apps out there, you’ll ended up getting raunchy grotesque pick-up lines and/or dick pics. If you finally get the nerve to meet up for an actual date with someone, it’ll most likely end up in foreplay flirtations and a quick leap to the bed or you’ll be quickly bored with them and wonder why they aren’t getting sexual with you.
Watching movies like The Right Kind of Wrong and reading articles like Buzzfeed’s 15 Online Horror Stories That’ll Make You Want To Be Single Forever, the straight life isn’t that much better. We all have a little shit-colored book that have listed all of our past conquests, losers we’ve been naive to date and people we would rather forget, but it’s rare for us not to laugh at every single one of them when looking backwards.
Like in Buzzfeed’s article 18 Horrifying Breakup Stories That Will Make You Glad You’re Single, we could have had an absolutely terrible time in the relationship but are able to crack a joke about it later. My first real relationship ended when he got depressed, slept with a girl and conceived his daughter, conclusively marrying his baby mama. #StoryOfMyLife. The humour in the demise of relationships is really a silver lining on most relationships– a optimistic side that I surprisingly accept.
However, when it comes to Joey’s pending marriage, I can’t help but to be a pessimistic cynic. Like the Friends’ character where he gets his namesake, Joey never had a good record of girls, especially keeping them. Joey wanting to marry this girl so quickly, I can’t help but to think it’ll end poorly only because it’s just so soon — so little time. They’re still in their honeymoon phase and, as playfully stated in Buzzfeed’s article Relationships In The Beginning vs Relationships After Two Years, the honeymoon phase of the relationship is a lot different compared to how it will be after getting to know each other.
In this analysis, I’m not considering arranged marriages or Married At First Sight situations, but in situations where dating has occurred and the two persons have consented in being in a relationship before the marriage. In these circumstances, the couple really should know a bit about each other if they intend on getting married– the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s loving each other despite all the ‘perfect imperfections’ that match with you and that you can really live with, because your love is that much more important.
Before my brother was heading to Asia to meet her in March, he was saying that if he likes her (which, honestly, she needed to be a he for him not to), then he will marry her on July. Since I didn’t know much about my brother’s girlfriend (hell, I’m not even her friend on Facebook), I had this conversation with him in the car:
Me: So, Joey, how would you describe your girlfriend?
Joey: Well, she’s more mature than the other girls. And she’s responsible, like, she has a job and stuff.
Me: Yeah but… Like… If she was a character in a book, how would you describe her? What makes her different? Does she have a quirk or something? What makes her special?
Joey: Well, like, I’d say she’s mature, responsible and caring….
Me: …And? Like, does she like Harry Potter? Or Hello Kitty? Does she like anime? Take a lot of Instagram photos? Photoshop her own photos?
Joey: No, no, no… Nothing like that. She’s not like (my last girlfriend).
Me: Well, does she listen to any American music? N Sync? Or does she watch American movies? Does she like any actors?
Joey: No, she doesn’t speak English. She doesn’t understand that stuff. She did say she liked… who’s that actor… Channing Tatum? Yeah.
I quickly texted all my friends in amazement of my brother. My brother is already planning on marrying this girl, and he doesn’t know shit about her. I could definitely answer that question about Perseus — hell, if Perseus didn’t have such a personality and character, I don’t know if I’d still be with him! Before marriage, dating couples should know everything about the other– whether they snore, if spicy foods make them diarrhoea, or even if they have monthly PMS (which, sadly, isn’t just a girl thing). I doubt even if Joey told his future wife about his first one.
With my family’s history of marriages, I don’t see why he isn’t more cautious in jumping into another marriage. His first wife snuck out on him without a goodbye, Blanche’s husband cheated on her throughout dating and marriage with prostitutes and my mother cyber-cheated on my father to the brink of my father wanting to commit suicide. How can he simply just want to marry a girl he’s hardly have been talking to via Internet for a year, been webcam chatting with for 3 months and only physically been with for 3 weeks?
Joey feels it’s his ‘duty’ to carry the family name, that he is the older son and that he wants to make my parents proud in having grandchildren, and I understand that. But I think that he’s also just letting his hormones run wild in wanting to marry this 4’10” twat. How I see it is that my brother’s just wanting a hole for his dick and the girl’s just wanting a way into America. She’s not going to have any motivation to learn English and with my brother providing for her, why would she? If I was a betting man, I’d be all-in for the Marriage Failure horse.
But honestly, I might just be too logical, pessimistic and cynical of people. I’m not totally trusting of people, and almost always have my guard up even sometimes for Perseus. And relationships are possible in my family, because even the Child Most Likely To Fail Dorothy found a man who would take her, and created 2 adorable sons (my nephews). And look at me– even if Perseus and I fight constantly (hell, we’re fighting now), I would consider our relationship a success because we’re too in love to even let each other go.
In Buzzfeed’s off-hand article 16 Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Marriage, you read about all the things that marriage could be, if it is to be a success. It asks the question “When did you realise your marriage was awesome and what makes it awesome?” It’s really the little things that collectively makes a difference in a relationship. Despite not having kids, Perseus and I do try to ‘stay crazy in love’ by still doing things listed in this Buzzed article. Being in a long-distant relationship, we have to keep each other’s spirits up and keep our love alive somehow and doing the little things helps with that.
Maybe I should just give Joey this article and hope for the best. Fuck it. Not my life.
***Disclaimer: I had written the “My Opinion” portion before, but had been deleted so this is a second remake (never as good last he original).