Advice on Talking To Celebrities: Never Tweet Sitcom Antiques

I had reservations about writing this particular post. My boyfriend, Perseus, urged me to “stop trolling” and write about something else, but I really can’t shake it off. If I just wait for the time when it stops bothering me, I’ll only end up wishing I had written the post (solely because I hold grudges longer than vampires).

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In light of Amy Schumer’s quite stunning photo for Pirelli‘s 2016 calendar, I felt the need to compliment her. I’ve watched her HBO special Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo and heard that it’s a good sample (but not limited to) of what kind of comedy she performs, which is what turns heads today — a bit vulgar, a little nauseating and heavily graphic. It got me laughing.

Now to compliment her in some way, if she did ever happen to read my tweet out to her in reply to BuzzFeedUK’s tweet about it. Should I go the safe route and say, “Looking so gorgeous!” or “Much preferred over @heidiklum!”? But see, why should I even compliment her appearance at all? Sure, she looks amazing and I’m so psyched she posed the way she did, but why not give her an outstanding compliment?

So in thinking about it, how about complimenting her through comparing her with someone I admire for her revolutionary, frown upon’ed humor that labeled her white trash and a role model to those who didn’t know any better? Roseanne Barr.

I was happy with myself, hoping that Amy would find it as a great compliment. Against my parents’ wishes, I always tried to catch a show of Roseanne whenever I could because I found it funny. To this day, I do still watch Roseanne whenever it’s on because it’s usually a pretty good laugh and I know most of the episodes enough that I don’t really have to pay attention to watch it, leaving me to do other things (like write a blog) while still listening. Her movie She-Devil was one of my favorite movies, but when watching it at an age where I know better, it’s more nostalgically amazing than it really is.

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I left the tweet and went on with my day, shopping on Cyber Monday and such. Honestly, I’ve tagged @TomDaley and @DustinLanceBlack at least 10 times since starting this blog and I didn’t think I’d get a reply from Amy. And so when I got a reply from that tweet, I was ecstatic!

But it wasn’t from @amyschumer.

It was from @therealroseanne.

At first glance, I wasn’t mad. I got a reply from the infamous Roseanne Barr! But then I let her reply sink a bit. Was she being a bitch to me? I was trying to pay Amy a compliment and Roseanne just wanted to be a bitch? Is this real life?

I’m not one to read into gossip tabloids much, but I’ve seen somewhere how Roseanne was hard to work with and that she’s (bluntly) a uber bitch, but I didn’t click on the article off my Facebook newsfeed because I didn’t care. Roseanne made me laugh and screw the whole back story of how it was made. But her reply got under my skin.

So I replied.

Okay, it might’ve been a little cheeky but my handle is SASSYsthermes. I was giving Amy a compliment and (I guess?) foreseeing her future as the next Roseanne. My original draft traded “a comparison in queens of comedy” for “a compliment to a rising star in comedy,” but that seemed lengthy and the former allowed me to use the word “queen.”

But the part I think Roseanne took hard offense of was the latter half of my tweet, “minus ur mishap singing the National Anthem.” I honestly taken 3 classes in university that mentioned her horrid portrayal of the National Anthem, including a Sports Marketing class that labelled the scene as a blatant disrespect for the nation. With her moody reply, I thought I’d add this bit as a little quip, a jab at her. Apparently, she doesn’t appreciate it.

She concluded with blocking me. Honestly, I don’t mind so much but I really just thought she had a little bit more fight in her. What a disappointment.

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First off, her English has substantially deteriorated (not unlike her eyesight, apparently?) Even reading it now, I still don’t understand the end “bt many queens of comedy-not just 1! #sexist.” Wait… I did say “comparison in queens of comedy,” which would obviously mean I wasn’t referring to her as the one and only woman in the realms of comedy — on the contrary, I just implied that Amy Schumer should be inducted into the “queendom” of comedy. Maybe I still don’t understand her meaning. Is it because I used the term “queen” instead of “royal comedians?” I don’t see Roseanne pointing her harpoon against BuzzFeedLife using the term “kween” to refer to Amy Schumer.

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Secondly, “running 4Potus“? In searching about this bit of information, I found her April 2015 Salon article located here. Here’s the opening paragraph:

In 2012, Roseanne Barr ran for president on the Peace and Freedom Party ticket, coming in sixth with 67,326 votes. Roseanne may be best-known for her comedy, but her run wasn’t a joke. She came armed with a serious platform — including women’s rights, marriage equality, forgiveness of student loan debt, single-payer healthcare, marijuana legalization and increased opportunities for the working class — as well as the desire to shine light on a political system that she feels has abandoned the country it is supposed to serve.

The interview is pretty much a large promotion for Roseanne, her analysis of American politics and her hatred for anyone with money (though, Google consensus says she herself is worth $80million). I feel that her common-sense analysis of politics is concrete and I don’t have an issue with that, but I do have an issue with her ‘platform.’ Roseanne claims to be “for” women’s rights, marriage equality, single-payer healthcare and marijuana legalization.

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Now there’s an obviously foolish logic in millennials that I don’t quite agree with, where if it doesn’t affect you, then you have no say in the matter. If you’re not gay, let the gays marry and if you’re not a female, you have no right to be pro-choice/life. With this logic, Roseanne would have no place to talk about marriage equality (where she compares herself, a heterosexual, to “them” — her siblings, homosexuals) or marijuana legalization (where she says, “I have… never smoked crack or taken too many drugs, unless you count alcohol…”).

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But honestly, in reading the May 2011 New York Magazine article, I did not hear once where she talks about women in a positive way. She is widely proclaimed a feminist, but she degraded every single woman in the NY article from Marcy to the high-heeled producer she threatened. In full disclosure, she did bad-mouth every single person she named in the narrative, then claim injustice when she was given ‘notes in front of the crew,’ then said she came out on top for being a pouty brat.

But going back to her fight for “women’s rights” — I think she summed it up when she was asked, “Is there any part of you that would be happy just to see a woman in office?” She replied, “No, not part of me at all whatsoever, because I’m way past that bullshit.” She goes on to say that she wouldn’t be happy if a woman took office, but cares about what the person does and say, which I agree with wholeheartedly. But the question remains — does Roseanne really stand by any woman, or person, that doesn’t bow down to her?

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I mean, was comparing her to Amy Schumer such an insult to her? Why couldn’t she had left the tweet go by to let Amy potentially read it and feel good about herself? It’s because she doesn’t want to compliment anyone, really. The post that I dragged her ‘golden’ name into is actually for a good cause — a Pirelli calendar that formerly portrayed ‘beautifully nude women’ now features women of talent and distinction in whichever form they would want to be portrayed. It’s a positive step for women in entertainment that she claims to encourage.

What ticks me off most about Roseanne’s ‘platform’ is the claim to be for marriage equality. She only claims it to seem relevant and stay revolutionary, but this revolution is now mainstream and she’s trying to keep up. Apparently, her siblings are gay and her series was ahead of its time to include gay characters, but I wonder how she really feels?

She immediately starts trying to do damage control, saying that “all marriage should be illegal.” Calling her out on what she really meant got a condescending response.

It’s not like she’s really for the LGBT community, particularly the transgender community. According to San Diego LGBT Weekly, she’s actually transphobic. Twitter is never her friend, apparently because it’s too speedy and out there for the world to see in an instant, where it could be screenshot like in this article. Maybe now that Caitlyn Jenner is (currently) in good graces with society, Roseanne will change her tune?

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Roseanne is not without her contradictions, though. As I’ve said, she has gay friends and family members and takes credit for gays being allowed or represented on television, but she also has her moments when she is all-for gays.

However, how can you even talk about healthcare when you “joke” about cancer? She’s trying to stand firm for gay rights by being an twitter bully to Chick-Fil-A, but it’s one of the most tasteless things I’ve seen. On July 25th, 2012, she tweeted:

anyone who eats Shit Fil-A deserves to get the cancer that is sure to come from eating antibiotic filled tortured chickens 4Christ

As said in the two previous link, she does a Roseanne-apology (which really isn’t an apology) about her strongly worded tweet. She didn’t mean to say “deserves” cancer, but she’s not really sorry for saying anything and tries to put blame on those who’s skin isn’t Roseanne Conner thick.

To wrap it up, she says that her just wishing cancer on people don’t cause cancer. Bravo, Roseanne. Nice coverup. You definitely should be a spokesperson for healthcare.

As for her 44M viewers per week, I don’t see that statistics for Roseanne anywhere. Obviously Wikipedia’s not always a reliable source (but it stated 16.6M on May 20, 1997), but I can’t find 44 million anywhere — yet I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s referring to the series’ second season. However, Wikipedia notes that the Tuesday night show had 36.6 million viewers. Maybe she has it on documentation in her Hawaiian real estate.

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What still really pisses me off is that she couldn’t just leave well alone. I meant to compliment Amy Schumer and she wanted to go on twitter to attack people. Perhaps Amy Schumer’s series Inside Amy Schumer has yet to break records with viewership, but it’s a different age. Even without considering the internet, YouTube and other media platforms, the TV competes with an endless supply of channels.

And as for her Peabody, Amy Schumer matches it as executive producer, writer and actor of Inside Amy Schumer.

I’ll end with what you told Cecilia Chung.

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