The Publicist Made Me Do It: Noah Galvin’s Apology

It’s been a while since I’ve written about a ‘current event,’ but this deserves a spotlight.

The Base Article

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On June 9th, vulture.com released the article “Noah Galvin Has Nothing to Hide.” I barely follow along with vulture.com periodicals, and I don’t even know who Noah Galvin is, but the article made its way all over my Facebook Newsfeed and Twitter, so obviously, I was intrigued.

At face value, Noah Galvin’s a gay boy playing a gay kid in an ABC TV series The Real O’Neals, which just got renewed for another season. If you have yet to read the article, please take the minutes to read the entire article by clicking (here) to follow along with the rest of my assessment.

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From reading the article, he’s a 22-year-old Jew portraying a 16-year-old Catholic named Kenny. After being congratulated, he whips out his first humble diss — “I’m like, oh weird, I’m having an actual conversation with David Blaine… He turned out to be the weirdest fucking dude.” (By the way, apparently ‘fuck’ is his favorite word, as it makes its random appearances often).

Later, he continues to comment that Colton Haynes is “The worst.” The whole quote is as follows:

That’s not coming out. That’s fucking pussy bullshit. That’s like, enough people assume that I sleep with men, so I’m just going to slightly confirm the fact that I’ve sucked a dick or two. That’s not doing anything for the little gays but giving them more masturbation material.

He criticizes the film industry as whole, switching between mentioning the industry and L.A. in his interview. It’s not hurtful for him to say that “The weird, closeted element of L.A. is large,” but saying that L.A. doesn’t have a “healthy gay community” is pretty harsh. About the people of L.A. (and gays overall), excerpts are as follows:

But you also meet a lot of straight men out in L.A. that are… I question a lot of people’s sexual orientation in L.A. The actual gay-gay community is in WeHo, and it’s a club scene. I have no interest in that whatsoever.

First of all, I’m gay, and that’s just hard because gays are naturally a promiscuous collective of people. So there’s a lack of monogamy and then there’s me looking like a 12-year-old. And then there’s being in L.A., where half the men are closeted and the other half are just dumb. But also gay boys my age are either club kids or they’re in college and they haven’t come out yet and they’re still DL on Grindr. So I tend to date people that are slightly older, but then I get into this situation where they’re just, like, twink hunters. I’m like, “No, I don’t want to date you, you 45-year-old man.”

Sadly, the word vomit continued as he calls Eric Stonestreet’s portrayal of Cameron Tucker from Modern Family a “caricature of a caricature of a stereotype of stereotype… (the audience) can laugh at it, and they can see it as a source of comedy, but like, nothing more than that. And I want Kenny to be more than a funny gay kid.” He wants his character Kenny to have more “levels” to him than Cam, “to be a person.”

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Continuing with his character development, Galvin wishes Kenny to have the opportunity to explore Kenny’s passions. Galvin states, “He has a Chicago poster in his room and a record player, but what the fuck does that mean in terms of who he is as a person? My dream is for him to have a lesbian best friend who challenges his masculinity.

According to the article (since i haven’t seen the show), Galvin’s caricature of gay Kenny currently consists of a slouched mannerism, a higher-pitched voice, and a change in flamboyance in consideration of the persons around him. He mentions about how sad he is that he can’t gay up his hairstyle because of the filming sequence of the show.

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Filming is a fairly recent addition to Galvin’s resume, as he hails from New York’s theatre world. He humblebrags about his talent for playing “the kid,” but being too numerically old to play physically young. As previously mentioned, he says he looks “like a 12-year-old” and values monogamy, but he’s dating a 24-year-old and a guesstimated 38-year-old. He confesses that he uses his minimal fame to catch fame-seeking ‘sexier people.’ He’s essentially searching for a sugar daddy, quoted saying:

Ideally, I just want to find some, like, awesome fucking finance guy in his early 30s to be real sexy and take me places. I’m already crazy enough. I don’t need another neurotic fucking actor to make my head spin. I do plenty of self-hating and self-depreciation, you know?

His homosexuality was never in question, though. He says he always knew he was gay, eventually telling his ecstatic mother when it was nagged out of him at the age of 13. He came to the realization of being gay before that when he came out to a friend, who told him not to string his ‘girlfriend’ when he already knew he didn’t fancy pussy. He claims that many people look up to him as a gay actor portraying a gay character, but he really doesn’t “have time to be (their) fucking soothsayer.”

This interview isn’t all negative, as he kisses Dan Savage’s ass as his idol. He has to idolize Savage, as he’s the executive producer of The Real O’Neals. He’s at least on screenshot terms with Savage, if not more. However, he tries to make it clear that he doesn’t play around with administrating crew, as he distastefully quips about Bryan Singer in a quote that later was deleted saying:

Yeah. Bryan Singer likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them in the fucking dark of night. I want nothing to do with that. I think there are enough boys in L.A. that are questionably homosexual who are willing to do anything with the right person who can get them in the door.


The Aftermath

Obviously, Bryan Singer‘s men tore whichever asshole they had to for vulture.com to delete the singular statement about him. The article came timely X-Men: Apocalypse, a film he directed, wrote and produced that ranked 7.4/10 on IMDB and grossed over $281 billion worldwide in the first week of release.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who plays Stonestreet’s on-camera husband Mitchell Pritchett, and Colton Haynes took to social media to reply to Galvin’s remarks.

At first, Noah seemed to enjoy the small praise he got from the article. But as we all know, all-powerful Disney-ABC (along with Bryan Singer and Galvin’s minuscule PR team) pushed out an apology.

I’ll briefly mention the public’s reactions to Noah Galvin’s article. The reactions are on the following spectrum:

  • I read the parts that offended me, and you’re a young prick that doesn’t know any better.
  • I read most of it, and you make some good points, but you’re young and don’t have the right to judge anyone/We should be supporting each other as gays!
  • I’m offended, but he’s young and he apologized, so don’t listen to him and he’ll eventually learn his place.
  • I’m scared to say those things, so I’m glad you said them. It’s nice to hear truth!/He’s right to his opinion!
  • I read some of it, and I agree 100% with him! He shouldn’t apologize because he’s right about everything! He’s the victim, because everyone hates him for being honest!

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My Outlook

As I stated, I saw this controversial article mentioned in every single gay outlet, as well as retweets and shares from numerous people and I didn’t really want to read it. However, a guilty pleasure of mine has been watching Colton Haynes’ snapchat story, and I’ve been a fan of Haynes since his XY Magazine days. So I decided to get into the article.

I had only read the comments on Facebook before reading the actual interview, and it gave me some hope that maybe Noah Galvin had been misquoted or said only one or two tactless phrases. After thoroughly reading the article, I had created a nasty pompous annoying bratty stuck-up voice in my head to all the answers (because I never heard Galvin’s voice before, still haven’t). I understand he describes himself as confident, “anxiety-ridden, neurotic, nebbishy” and not afraid to speak his mind, but his answers might as well came from a Kentucky hillbilly that just won the lottery — uneducated, full of swearing, arrogant, contradictions, self-entitlement and patting himself on his back for being ‘a gay playing a gay.’

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There’s a lot of things I don’t understand with Galvin’s interview, because some of his answers are as opposite as the comparison of him and Kenny. He hates L.A. for not having young monogamous gay men, but he’s dating two men only whilst he’s waiting for a sugar daddy. But he doesn’t want a sugar daddy that expect things from him, like Bryan Singer.

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He also wants Kenny to have levels to his character, and that the show hadn’t provided him with the opportunities for his character to develop, but isn’t the whole show about him? He doesn’t want to play the typical funny gay, but in every GIF I find, he’s acting/talking/looking really stereotypical gay — at least, as much as Cam Tucker. And I don’t really understand why he’d want his character to have a lesbian best friend, because that’s just awkward and just adding another gay aspect when you don’t really need it. Apparently, all gays don’t stick together.

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I must say that Galvin being an out-and-proud gay Jew from New York really should be a disadvantage to him even knowing what goes on in the mind of a closeted gay Catholic from a religious Chicagoan family. Dan Savage has given Galvin an insight, as Kenny is based on Savage himself, but Galvin trying to put his own spin on the character at all is just Galvin making a gay even gayer. After reading Savage’s Wikipedia page, maybe Galvin was just trying to emanate Savage’s controversial statements.

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As I understand Savage might have a great view of being from a religious Catholic family from Chicago, I do believe it has changed since Savage was young (he’s currently 50-something). As a fellow gay man from the midwest and a religious Catholic family, I am very curious at how all of the character developments would occur in the real world. I feel that the show would be coming from a very liberal eye, which would really hate on the Church and work in favor of the gay community quite often, but actually living the life of the situation is not all laughter and ‘character development.’ It’s a lot of denial from family and living around it.

The portion of the interview that people found most distasteful is the rip on Colton Haynes, as well as (apparently) most males in L.A. need to identify as gay. He stated that Haynes’ method of coming out was ‘fucking pussy bullshit.’ It’s during this answer that I imagined him sitting back, with his arm flung across the back of his chair, perhaps a leg over the armrest and sunglasses on, acting like some tough punk ass.

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He implies that everyone should come out of their closet in L.A., which offended a lot of the gay community (both closeted and open). I’m glad he didn’t call out anyone as being gay (because it’s a bitch move, as I stated in my previous post), but he indirectly pushes someone out of the closet (and reveals a little of his personality) when he was telling this particular story:

There was a kid who guested on our show. He was flirting with me so blatantly, to the point where he asked me out a few times. At one point I turned to him and was like, Are you gay? And he was like, Well … I don’t know. I’m more like, go with the flow. And I was like, Shut the fuck up. Get out of my face with your wishy-washy bullshit answer. You’re a fucking faggot. Like, I know you are. You know you are. Stop beating around the bush. Just go make out with me in my dressing room.

He meant for the story to sound funny, but it really just makes him look like an ass. Him ending with “Just go make out with me in my dressing room” makes him seem like a slut, but he’s the sort of gay that enables the gays he hates. It’s a way of saying “You won’t admit you’re gay, and I think that’s shitty. But I’ll just fuck with you, and let you go on your way since we’d both gotten our rocks off.” Yeah, funny cause you’re a hypocrite.

Galvin’s interview reminds me of Joey Tribbiani’s interview from Friends. Someone should have monitored this interview so that he doesn’t say ridiculous things, especially since he’s the “star” of the whole series. And I want to believe that the apology was written with guilt and sincerity, but I don’t believe it was. It seems like it’s his writing, since it’s juvenile in wording, but it’s obvious that those that control him made him write it.

He directly apologizes to Bryan Singer, then skips around Stonestreet and Haynes until he apologizes to “anyone he offended.” Bryan Singer had one statement said about him as a passing quip, while Haynes and Stonestreet had full thought-out paragraphs said negatively about them. He claims he’s young, but 22-years-old isn’t that young at this day in age. He’s a big boy and he knows what he said, just as much as anyone graduating college at his age would be taken seriously.

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For those who defend Galvin or blame the victims of his idiocy, there’s no reason for him to come out swinging unprovoked. He’s a big boy who wants to backtrack and say he’s young only as an excuse, and if you think he’s completely right to his own opinion — you are correct. I’m all for Free Speech, like Jesse Tyler Ferguson and JK Rowling, because it gives me the freedom to call Galvin a jackass. Some people say that Haynes shouldn’t have responded, to be the mature one and let it go, but what does that prove to anyone?

Galvin wants to provide gay kids a character to look up to, yet don’t want to be a “fucking soothsayer” and say “It Gets Better” (a project his idol Savage created). Letting Galvin say what he said without having any backlash will be doing the gay community an injustice and will teach anyone looking for guidance that being brash, smug and idiotic will be praised. I’m not saying it shouldn’t have been said, but that if it is, it needs to have consequences. It’s justice.

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I remember use to wanting to see The Real O’Neals because it seemed funny, but I don’t think I’d watch it now. He thinks being gay in real life and on TV is revolutionary, but that can’t be the only thing revolutionary about The Real O’Neals. I started reading the vulture.com’s article giving Galvin the benefit of the doubt, but after reading it in its entirety, I only have one thing to say to him.

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One Comment Add yours

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