Heading into my best friend Tinker’s wedding last Friday, I didn’t know what I expected. I was JUST A GUEST at my best friend’s wedding, and I didn’t know how to take it. To say the very least, I was extremely pissed that I wasn’t part of the wedding party. I’m closer to the bride, but I’ve hung out with both of them enough that I don’t understand how I was overlooked for the role.
But then, I was trying to just understand that maybe it they wanted a small wedding party. But then I saw the list, and saw that a complete bitch (Jane) that has only known her for like 2 years was in the wedding party. She was named last, but still it was completely bugging me. And on the groom’s side, there was one of the bridesmaid’s boyfriend on it? How was that considerate? If that wasn’t enough, my ‘best friend’ didn’t invite me to the bridal party, the bachelorette party, or the wedding reception. What is this?
It made my blood boil, and made me consider not even going in spite. But as I read the invitation, she was considerate enough to invite Perseus and I to the wedding, and there will be free food and alcohol. So I decided to head to the wedding.
Trying to avoid being tardy, I rushed into the hotel’s nicely situated room and was surprised at how small it was. I had thought her wedding was going to be a bit bigger, but there was mostly just family in this room seating no more than 150 people. At a glance, I didn’t see anyone I know so I sat on the far side in an empty aisle. On the other side, a girl that’s more Tinker’s friend than a friend of mine (aka, I don’t like her). She waved me over and motioned me to join her. I regrettably did.
As I said, she’s not really a friend of mine and so conversation between us were more filler than actually caring what the other was saying. The ceremony went by with humor, love and prayers, most of which I recorded with my iPhone. After only a little over 30 minutes, it was over.
The reception was at a restaurant less than a mile away. It started with cocktail hour, serving soft pretzels with cheese and vegetables with ranch as well as the open bar. I had the sad honor of sitting by Tinker’s friend again, along with the ‘other friends,’ which included the wedding parties’ dates, single friends and Tinker’s brother’s friends. It was fine, because they were all nice but trying to make conversation with that one friend again was awkward.
We ate, we danced and we drank. The typical wedding shenanigans, where you buy shots for the young that can’t, or join in on shots with your friend’s mom, or try to make sure nobody’s without a drink. It was a decent time and I met the whole family, extended and whatnot. Surprisingly, Tinker seemed a bit shove-offish and it really didn’t put me in a better mood about her. I decided that I’ll keep on with it and try to have a good time at the after-party.
After cleaning up the reception hall, we all decided to go to a local bar. Somehow, I got lugged into walking to the bar with the best man (Cole), a bridesmaid (Allie) and Jane (the bitch bridesmaid). The way over to the bar, Jane kept telling me that I had to play wingman to her to attract Cole (I almost put “attack,” which may be a better word). As hard as she tried, Cole wouldn’t give be seduced. Later, he tells me that Jane has absolutely no chance in hell.
Arriving to the bar, we find Tinker, her now-husband Scooby, and her parents already there as well as a handful of the guests. Apparently, I shine best in a bar scene because this is where Tinker and I really got on our friendship level. She apologized for not having time for me recently, for missing my birthday and that she’s make it up to me later. Everything seems fine between us, but I’m still pissed that I’ve been so overlooked throughout the whole ordeal.
The real reason for the mention of this wedding is not just because I’m pissed of my lack of involvement, but more about how much I’m talked about within the group. And please, don’t take this as me being offended or disheartened because I secretly love being so ‘popular.’ It’s not only because I’m just gay, because there was one other gay guy at my dinner table, but it’s just because I’ve been at least a good topic of discussion.
A lot of their wedding guests would say that they recognize me on Facebook, because I’m happily the friend that takes all the photos and posts them! I’m glad my reputation preceded me, which led to Tinker telling her mother that I was gay because her mother thought that I was getting way to close to Tinker (for Scooby’s sake). I’ve met Tinker’s mother when she had came down with Tinker’s ex’s mom to visit their daughters in college for mom’s weekend. Apparently, I had made a big impression to the both of them because I’m a big drinker and provided food, which I don’t particularly recall.
There were times when I was caught off guard about people knowing about my sexuality, though. Like when walking with Allie and Cole to the bar, they made comments about me being gay as if they’re in on the secret. I don’t really mind them knowing, as long as they don’t particularly care or make it a big deal. Cole said something along the lines of it not being a big deal and Allie said something about me being gay, yet not quite knowing what sort of jacket to wear for a summer wedding (100% ‘itchy’ wool apparently wasn’t right).
At the bar, I continued to hear that Tinker and Scooby had told their friends a good deal about me. Cole made a joke about a hot girl that I apparently missed in seeing, and Tinker’s dad patted my shoulder and told Cole, “He has a better chance with that girl than you!” Tinker’s dad continue to tell me that he knew more about me than I know, because there’s been so much told about me. Tinker’s mom blamed me for getting her wasted during mom’s weekend because I insisted she continuously drink her favorite drink (Jäger shots).
But coming from a whole world where being gay is restricted, frowned upon and thought sinful like my household, it’s only too freeing to be around this completely opposite atmosphere. I talked about my relationship with Perseus to Tinker’s mom, and talked about how nobody in my family supports my gay lifestyle. I think that they’re intrigued by my gay lifestyle because overall, they didn’t hang out with many gay people especially after college and I haven’t been around them that much since then either.
At the bar, I particularly connected to my good friend Ginger’s boyfriend Jeff (the guy who was a groomsmen that I didn’t think really fitted). He talked about when Ginger was thinking I was gay but wasn’t really sure, and when she told him, he thought it was an act. He had thought that I was pretending to be gay to be ‘around these hot girls,’ but when I actually outed myself, he believed it. He mentioned about the Halloween when there was a crazy black gay guy, and he mentioned again that he was glad that I wasn’t like him (read that story here).
We continued to talk about some arguments about the gay lifestyle, and how I may not be the conventional gay in my thoughts and beliefs. A topic that was brought up was the “Nature vs Nurture” of homosexuality, which I haven’t really touched base here, but I plan to in the future. He also questioned about my homosexuality, and if there could have been factors in me becoming homosexual. It’s an interesting topic to him and it’s a topic I’ve never talked about to anyone, so I really did get deep with Jeff.
Throughout the night, I got constant hugs from the bride and groom, and continually was just bathed in camaraderie. It just feels odd that everyone was accepting of me because I grew up in a childhood where everyone is very judgmental and have a set list of things that aren’t acceptable to them. Towards the end of the night, Cole handed me his boutonniere and said, “Pretend your boyfriend gave it to you.” It was said jokingly, but I feel that it’s a form of acceptance as well.
At the end of the night, Cole, Allie, Jane, Tinker, Scooby, Tinker’s Danish cousin and I headed back to the hotel together. When we were near the hotel, Tinker asked me to carry her, so I tried but got maybe half a block before she asked, “Do you want me to walk?” I replied, “Hell yeah, I don’t go to Planet Fitness enough for this shit!” Scooby, Tinker, the Danish cousin and I lost the rest and travelled up to the bridal suite together. Tinker on my arm, I led her to her hotel room and the Danish cousin and I told her our farewells for their hopefully consummated night.
So despite not actually having a role in the wedding, or not even being invited to the other party festivities that I would have been a ball to have at, I had the most important job at all. I was the one that partied with her until she was all partied out. I was the one that gave her her last drink of the night (a shot of Fireball). I was the one that walked her back to her hotel, carrying her a portion of the way.
And I was the one that gave her ass to her husband when the night ended. I’m still the best friend.